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• --- Sexual/romantic demoralization ---
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-09-04 19:24 ID:ioy4Drem )
• I should get a relationship or try to but it just feels depressing. We have this culture of "anything goes" (as long as its not child rape). Polyamory, open relationships, group sex, casual hook ups with strangers, serial monogamy, dating apps. To approach anything in life you need principals to stick by but what now? When it comes to sex and relationships there don't seem to be any rules beyond consent. Its like anomie. You don't know what to do and you see people defending everything from sex with randoms to porn addicts. Its like there's no sense of right or wrong or knowing what's good or bad. I don't know if I'm making sense but sex and relationships feels like one of those things that's just empty soulless garbage now. Then there's the horde of smug people who'll shame you for wanting to have a committed hetero relationship with one person. \n\n Sometimes I just think fuck it, there's no point because you'll only get depressed and heartbroken or see stuff you don't like so might as well never date and keep to yoruself. And if anything goes, then why not be a porn addicted loser? Why do people attach shame to that? Society is shameless already. Is there even a point now? \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-09-06 12:17 ID:tOL9loqh )
• Are you sure this is the culture in the real world? This sounds like the sort of thing you'd think if you only ever saw what people say online. You should find comfort in the fact that this could only float to the top of our view because most people find it so outrageous, kind of like how reality shows bring on people with (probably faked) terrible personality so women can gawk at them and feel superior, or how Doctor Phil brings on skanks and weirdos for people to ogle. By the same token, these people who are a very small part of the population, prostrate themselves online seemingly on purpose, and people pay attention because they find it so perverse. This whole spectacle is somewhat stupid, but it's hardly a moral failing of a person to enjoy this Schadenfreude. Furthermore, the examples of monogamy are missing in our society because they are 'boring'. I'm engaged with a woman, we've been together since we were young teens, people are impressed that I'm engaged in my early twenties, and there is nothing more to say of it. Consider, what can a television show that thrives on interpersonal drama do about a happy monogamous couple, besides make them the butt of some cynical jokes? Altogether my point is that media in all it's manifestations is extraordinarily deceiving.
• Now sure, few people have perfect romantic lives, but it's nothing like what you say. Serial monogamy and dating apps are typical, it would be preferable if this weren't so, but they are consequence of our isolating urban society. It does not make love impossible though. As for the rest of the things you list, they are nowhere as important as you may think.
• None of this should matter anyway. You aren't dating everyone, you are looking for 'the one'. Why should the state of the rest of the world affect the bond you have with another person? I suspect the key should be not to stay stuck 'dating' but to always have an eye towards marriage, and to be sure this feeling at least is mutual.
• I hope that what I say can make you reconsider your thoughts. It actually makes me sad how many people resign to pessimism about this all. Yes, it does suck more now. In my thoughts on media and dating, though I don't believe media reflects dating, it does influence it in complex ways that have not been for good. \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-09-08 02:38 ID:JOEHlhD5 )
• >>2
• The media spectacle makes me distrustful and suspicious of everything. I see so many things that demoralize me. I’m bombarded with so many ‘options’ from jerking off to porn and sex work being socially acceptable now, gay marriage, random encounters, living in a polycule, open relationships, living as a celibate, no sex before marriage, becoming a woman. I’m told all of these things are good and acceptable. What am I supposed to do with myself? What’s right and wrong anymore? \n\n Doctor Phil brings on skanks for spectacle. People see those skanks and imitate them. Life imitates spectacle. Seeing all of this stuff wears me down. I’m scared dating will just lead to complications and betrayal. How do you even go about finding anyone one? How do you know who to trust? It seems like you never know anyone these days because they can be someone else entirely online or behind your back. \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-09-08 03:31 ID:7e5A+prw )
• Nice thread. I can see both perspectives. You two conveyed your thoughts well. \n\n > >You aren't dating everyone, you are looking for 'the one'.
• >>How do you even go about finding anyone one? I think that you should at least try. >>2's point was that there are more people interested in a 'traditional' relationship than you might think, so if you are only looking for one person like that, then you have a range of people to meet. Still, how are you supposed to "try"? My guess is talk to people in your classes if you are in university. Any way that people usually find a girlfriend.
• My overall perception of your situation is that you are overly fearful. "What if..." You could succeed - as >>2 pointed out there are plenty of people in the world similar to you - but if you don't try then you never had a chance. Don't be afraid. Try. Don't let your fear be the reason why you never tried and never met the "one" who was right for you.
• At least this is my plan and philosophy as someone who has thought the same things you mentioned in your original post. \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-09-09 04:12 ID:tOL9loqh )
• > >Seeing all of this stuff wears me down.I need to revisit my opening point. When you say this above, do you mean to tell me you actually see this when you are at the bar or whatever picking up girls? Or is this the media again? Is your suspicion mostly founded in your real experience, or in media portrayal? \n\n > >What am I supposed to do with myself? For myself, I have done what should be most reasonable, and isolate from media. I avoid all screen media, such as television, film, YouTube, and social media. Because I don't have enough faith in my subconscious capacity to discriminate the real from the nonreal, as all our subconscious is very bad at this. You are suffering because you have allowed media to get the better of your judgment.
• You are in limbo; you have this fear, but no true knowledge that can affirm or deny these ideas. At root, this is the problem. I would recommend you remove the influence of media in your life, and put yourself out there to find the truth. Perhaps it is so bad as you say and I've been a lucky ignorant bastard. Though I reckon at the very least, avoid dating apps. \n\n It may be a simple response, but I believe that when it comes to dating, it is better to have done it if it is your true desire, and be left beaten down by your efforts, than to have wallowed in uncertainty and unaccomplishment, and moved nowhere at all. If a neighboring kingdom threatens to plunder and rape my land, I would prefer to risk a bloody death on the battlefield than to twiddle my thumbs at home. I find the state of uncertainty and fear that I spent far too much of my life in is so sad and pointless. \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-09-10 22:18 ID:tzu9kJoh )
• > >Is your suspicion mostly founded in your real experience, or in media portrayal?A mix. Its usually stuff I see around campus and the way people talk. Life imitates media spectacle and these spectacles become a lens for the world around you. Its hard to shake the effect that has on you because it influences how you read everything, even small things. Its caused me to withdraw and loose faith in humanity. \n\n > >I avoid all screen media, such as television, film, YouTube, and social media. You can avoid that but others are influenced by it. They mimic what they see on screen. And there's the practical element too. Everybody discusses media spectacles and you have to at least know about it. \n\n > >Still, how are you supposed to "try"? That's the hardest part. I've been isolated from society for a long time now. I'm a lot older than most of the people around me and at my age everyone just expects you to know things. There's no mercy for someone who isn't in on it but there's not a user manual either. So when you fail, you wind up taking it harder than others do. How do you even know who trust? How to trust others? \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-09-11 19:46 ID:PaEUo5eX )
• >>7 \n\n > >media spectacles imitate lifeThese days its getting harder and harder to tell them apart. Its a cycle. People consume media and live in media bubbles. They mimic what they see on screen and “content creators” write new content based on that. Because everyone is caught up in these bubbles, its hard to draw a line between real behavior and performance or faking it so much it becomes real. \n\n > >the only way out is to throw yourself into society Yeah… I’ve tried this twice before and failed hard so I withdrew back into my hikki ways. And I guess when you are out for that long, its really hard coming in from the cold. I can step outside but get the “okay now what do I do?” feeling. Nobody writes guide books for this and so much info online is incelslop, lies, useless, corpo and political propaganda that tried to manipulate you and pushes you deeper into this self imposed mental prison. \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-12-23 13:04 ID:KUipoO3w )
• My friends make no attempt to meet up with me. After a year of living with parents unemployed, I got a job again a few months ago and moved to a city. I have seen my few friends only a few times since I moved. I try to be enthusiastic and fun despite the pain.
• I'm 25 and getting older, sadder and jaded. I hate how ugly old people are. I will probably have to start finasteride to buy more time. The chance of love is disappearing.
• Feels very hopeless. \n\n
• Anonymous Counsellor (2025-12-25 03:06 ID:7e5A+prw )
• >>10
• You're only 25. That's very young by almost anyone's standards.
• What's "ugly" about old people is that they lost their youthful energy, not so much the way they look. Keep up hope. You can find happiness and love, that will give you energy. Feeling old is what makes someone old. \n\n
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